Hi SilverFairy, I’m hetero but I want to offer some empathy and support. People that are judging people and making fun of others having herpes(snickering) when all the while they have it themselves and don’t have a clue! There is one dating website I’m aware of that is for people with herpes. If its oral herpes refrain from kissing the baby near the mouth/chin area Herpes is not transmitted through inanimate objects, such as soap, towels, clothing, bed sheets, toilet seats, and spa surfaces. So you’re definitely not alone in your situation. When it’s a herpes OB it can also bring up all kinds of feelings about being “dirty” or just undesirable. Keep your chin up.
Acyclovir is a similar but somewhat less powerful antiviral drug that will reduce outbreaks and viral shedding, but it hasn’t been tested for transmission reduction like Valtrex has. It’s very possible it has a similar effect in preventing transmission too, but this hasn’t been proven in research. Yes, it is embarrassing to tell, but that’s what doctors’ are there for. Not only did I lose friends but they stayed friends with the person who gave it to me because they accused ME of lying about it. Some people on here might differ. There are prevention strategies you can use to reduce the risk of transmission and it’s important to know what these strategies are so you can talk to your partner about it. As for your bf, it sounds like he’s been thrown for a loop with you suddenly pulling out of the relationship like that.
Using condoms is another good practice that can reduce the risk, but because herpes is spread through skin-to-skin contact and because condoms cover only a small portion of skin in the genital/pelvic area, it’s not a guarantee. You should learn as much as you can about herpes to find out if you might be getting symptoms but just not recognising them as such. This board’s Resource Links are a good place to start, and there’s an excellent book called “The Truth About Herpes” by Dr. Stephen Sacks. So having herpes doesn’t mean your sex life is over, but neither is it a cake walk. It’s hard when the reality lies somewhere in between the extremes of “no more sex” and “no more worries.” It’s not possible to know exactly where that level of risk lies for a given individual because everyone’s pattern of viral shedding is different. For some it’s more frequent than others, and even people who get symptoms don’t know when they’re shedding asymptomatically (without symptoms).
During latency the viral genome remains stable in the nucleus of nerve cells or other latently infected cells. What I *can* say is that there ARE people out there who are capable of seeing past your health condition and who will want to be with you regardless, because they care about you as a person (not just a body). Even doctors aren’t aware of how wide spread STD’s are. When I started writing this, I paused for a second because I realized that .. Can someone put my mind at ease? Different people have different perspectives, insights and experiences to share that could be helpful to you. Keep us posted how you’re doing with this struggle.
We’ve been through that struggle too and can help. Most important, remember that you’re still the same lovable person now as you were before you got it. After I told her and we started *trying* to have sex it was just completely awkward.