John Goodrich’s Blog – That’s One Hell of a Turkey: Giant Space Monster Guilala

John Goodrich's Blog - That's One Hell of a Turkey: Giant Space Monster Guilala

The crew of the Argos become possessed by these invis-o-beings and turn last call-hostile, beating each other up and down. Bring a lawn chair or a blanket to sit on, a $10-$15 dollar donation, and bring your own cup (you know the drill- if you don’t bring it, you gotta buy it…). I am not enough of a scholar of Japenese history to meaningfully comment on the social changes happening in Japan, or even America, as these films were procuced, to give an informed opinion about their sociocultural significance. The project recently received an additional $15,000 in December. She is on-screen rarely in the first half of the film, barely speaks throughout the second half, and — as a “robot” — is not even really called on to emote much. Was it the fear of the unknown that made this movie so terrifying as a kid? That’s right, you’ll be packing your bags for Louisiana where the upcoming original movie, Book of Vile Darkness, will finish shooting after weeks of production in Eastern Europe.

Awesome robots, a young Anjelica Houston, freakin’ Ron Perlman (why yes, he happens to be one of my favorite actors of all time) and a dazzlingly “color-blind” cast and crew. And so, was technically too tall to fly on the space shuttle. The original Alien movie directed by Ridley Scott is a classic horror movie with the tag line: In space nobody can hear you scream. I got somethin’ for ya right here… I find it hard to believe that society would seem so similar, in spite of few things clearly inserted to try and make things feel advanced – such as the family of Holden, which is a family of multiple ‘parents’ living together in a sort of communal setting and raising a single child (this is also pretty much the only family structure mentioned in the book). Our first experience is watching four white jumpsuited figures carry enriched nuclear fuel and put it in the back of a station wagon. The game is: A series of 2D and 3D open-world crime-‘em-ups by Rockstar North, featuring increasingly slick cinematic production values, increasingly deep storytelling through all aspects of their vibrant, living game worlds, and a vast slab of brutal satire on modern American life.

Jason and his team wind up being captured, then they are strapped onto some sort of assembly line that leads them to the dreaded scrotum-chomp machine –- you know, for kids -– before having to pretend they were castrated (they avoid the scrotum-chomp machine’s wrath) at some sort of elaborate space debutante ball. Just an unnecessary scene. What could possibly go wrong? The anticipated problem, UFO interferance, happens, and the ship has to divert to the lunar base because Dr. Maybe your anti-grav fryer is floating over your bed, or perhaps it drifted down to just above your eye level in the entrance to that dark bathroom. The concept is epic. The two highlights in this film for me rewatching it today is Michael D.

Both are fantastic — the former is a beautiful goddamn western with some brutal things to say about the reasons we treat others the way we do, and the latter is as close to a perfect, eminently re-watchable film as you can get. Blonde Lisa is also involved in a love traigle with the Sano, captain of AAB Gamma, who thinks he likes her, but really belongs with Michiko. There are some fun ideas too including an alien base hiding behind the roiling eye of Jupiter (the planet, not the maid) and the very Douglas Adams-like suggestion that Earth’s fate may come down to business transaction, but we just don’t get enough time with the elements or characters that work here because there’s always something new and ready to pop in our face. Badass Soundwave transformed into a boom box (it was the 80’s after all). But she starts out as a Space Stewartess. The Lunar colony AAB Gamma aborts to has been established so long that the inhaitants smoke, raise apples, and even have a hot tub and hot showers. This allows Lisa and her rival Mickiko share a tame but titillating shower scene.

Once AAB Gamma gets back underway to Mars, it’s buzzed by a UFO, and then discovers that the engine has developed some lumps, as if it had gotten glowing Space Herpes. It’s collected and kept in a vacuum, and brought back to Earth. The first arena is the Mad Magazine-style “parody” of genre movie classics. In an interesting twist on the usual gigantic footprint trope that has been used from King Kong to Pacific Rim , Guilala’s initial spoor it a tiny track etched into the floor of the lab, giving no indication of the size it will eventually achieve. If this does not spell “recipe for disaster”, I don´t know what else will. Guilala is often referred to as giant poultry, and that’s no accident. As a result, the image came to a focus behind the retina and gave them blurry vision.

John Goodrich's Blog - That's One Hell of a Turkey: Giant Space Monster Guilala
I’ve never played a game that flitted so much hard won design work with an overextended and ultimately meaningless ending. 4 mins – Dude, you are way overweight. Guilala’s dorsal fin glows, like Godzilla’s. Instead of doing so when it’s about to breathe atomic fire, Guilala’s is sort of an indicator as to its energy level. A boy has to find a dragon which can kill a monster which is threatening to screw everything up. Like the two deely boppers on its head, the glowing shell seems to be there for visual interest. She is invited to stay with them, as Reverend Lash continues recruiting for his congregation.

Guilala’s initial breakout takes place on Mt. Hakone, which is a bit of an odd place for a space agency, unless it’s been deliberately located on the Izu Penninsula. Still, it’s quite close to all monster’s favorite stoming ground, Tokyo. Another favorite from my childhood. Maybe my dad thought that The Ice Pirates was so good that any future movie he took me to would be a big let down. It doesn’t help that the three trailers preceding the feature are all for pretty fantastic horror movies. Guilala stomps on tanks, blows fireballs at them, and swats Starfighters out of the sky, even though they shouldn’t get close enough to let it reach them.

Two smash straight into Guilala’s head. Autobot Wheeljack was always inventing something that blew up in his face. The military deploys their own version of the heat ray/maser shown in War of the Gargantuas and several subsequent Toho productions. But there are some innovations, which is why it’s always interesting to watch a new studio attempt a man in a rubber suit film. As it later echoed in Pacific Rim , Guilala picks up an oil tanker and throws it. Of course, the monster must have a weakness, and Guilala’s is the ore that encased it while in space. This is recreated as the jaw-breaking Guilalanium, which of course proves to be the giant monster’s downfall.

(2002 – 2005).I can’t really slam Galaxina on its low budget, but still,  it is pretty difficult to enjoy the movie when you are constantly noticing, for instance, the Adam West/Burt Ward Batmobile parked outside a saloon on Alta. Once it has got enough, it turns into a huge, red ball and floats off. I hope they keep the themes of that book: Gaining power through cannibalism, necrophilia, drug abuse, self-mutilation, demonic possession, torture and human sacrifice. Ultimately, the monster’s hunger for energy is its downfall. It is lured away from the Fuji Aeronautical Flight Center by a pair of guys pulling a reactor core on a jeep. This gives everyone time to load their air squadrons with the Guilalanium. As they pelt it with missiles, the monster begins to foam, as if they were hitting it with cream pies.

In a spectacular bit of poor editing, as Guilala is layered in foam we cut back to a pair of suits. “No effect yet,” one tells the other. Guilala, coated in shaving foam at this point, lets out a last fireball, destroying one more plane, then shrinks under a blanket of foam until it’s once again a small oval. Giant Space Monster Guilala is a faltering first step by a studio that had never made a monster film before. Fat women need a LOT of nitrous oxide. But it’s fascinating for it’s craziness. Loading the nuclear fuel into the back of a station wagon?

Guilala’s unexplained and unnecessary ability to turn into a ball of energy? AAB Gamma’s plot-consuming back and forth of to the Moon, and then getting rescued. Which would be fine in a space movie. (It’s Caine. But as the lead-in to Sometimes I feel like this film was two different pitch scrips that were inexpertly stitched together to form one science fiction movie that was true to neither premise. Guilala’s rampage is pretty good, and it steps back to Toho’s older films, with the planes flying close enough to be swatted down. Meanwhile, Hot Rod, one of the aforementioned sucky new Autobots decides he needs to get involved, and just as Prime is about to finish Megatron off once and for all, Hot Rod jumps on Megatron’s gun and starts having sexual intercourse with it.

Unfortunately, they keep cutting away from it, to pursue the story of the humans looking for a way to defeat it. Longer blocks of both, I think, would have kept my attention better.

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