SCREEN IT! PARENTAL REVIEW: DISASTER MOVIE

SCREEN IT! PARENTAL REVIEW: DISASTER MOVIE

Jessica Alba (before she was Jessica Alba) used to date Derek Jeter, the serial celebrity dater, who plays for the NY Yankees. His sweat has been known to cure 4 types of Herpes Virus … She doesn’t look too happy here. They demand a full retraction and apology for these outrageous lies. OUR WORD TO PARENTS: Here’s a brief summary of the content found in this comedy that’s been rated PG-13. I personally don’t do casual sex. Sexually related dialogue and lyrics are present, as is the sight of various scantly clad women and a male underwear model, and nude men whose crotch areas are barely covered (we see bare butts).

Brad loves Bambi’s unique style and this is his third purchase from her. Comedy-based violence includes people being killed by various means, while slapstick style material is also present, including people striking others with various objects. Sign me up. All sorts of crude, gross-out and scatological humor is present, while characters have bad attitudes, and some viewers might not like some of the material used as attempts to be funny. Various characters drink and there are various comments about drug use, while there’s brief smoking related material, and all sorts of behavior might be enticing for some kids to imitate. If you’re still concerned about the film and its appropriateness for yourself or anyone else in your home who may be interested in seeing it, we suggest that you take a closer look at our detailed listings for more specific information regarding the film’s content. Amy Winehouse tells a prehistoric man that he doesn’t want to mess with a “bitch straight out of rehab.” Amy Winehouse states “bottoms up” and then chugs from a bottle of whiskey.

Really wtf is relationship? People have beer and drinks at a party. It shows Jennifer Lawrence, as Mystique, trying to free imprisoned mutants. Juney comments about a crack addict and drinking. Juney pours liquor into a jug of orange juice and then drinks that (while very pregnant). Hancock holds a bottle of booze and we see some empties around him. After flying up and hitting his head on a lamp post, he says he needs a drink, but falls unconscious (from that contact) before he has any.

We see the Sex and the City women who hold martinis. A comment is made about “crack-head Winehouse.” The Enchanted Princess states that she did drugs, “lots and lots of mind-altering, enchanting drugs.” Calvin tells Lisa’s mom on the phone that he’s met the Enchanted Princess and that she’s willing to do anything and everything he wants. Which may seem odd coming from a gay man – but contrary to popular belief not all gay men are promiscuous. A prehistoric man is stepped on by a mammoth leg, squashing him in a huge pile of excrement (that’s then on his face when he gets up). Wes was in such a good mood, he started handing out hundred dollar bills to people. A homeless man urinates into a punch bowl at a party. A pair of underwear hits Justin Timberlake in the face, and when he holds them up, he sees excrement smears on the fabric.

A woman runs, farts, and says, “I just sh*t myself.” Hannah Montana talks about having a line of toilet paper. During a fight, Juney sprays breast milk all over Carrie (from Sex and the City), and we then hear her unborn child’s foot come out and see it kick Carrie in the face, covered in baby goo. Juney then has Carrie smell and taste that goo-covered foot, and then says, “Suck on my placenta” (not seen). Juney says her water is going to break and we next see white goo spray all over Calvin and Will. Which may seem odd coming from a gay man – but contrary to popular belief not all gay men are promiscuous. The Enchanted Princess bites into a broken bottle and then chews on the glass, bloodying her mouth and teeth, with blood running down her chin. She hasn’t forgiven him for what he did, and it’s destroyed their relationship.

As others try to tell him about that, he ends up unknowingly smearing it all over his face. The Chipmunks suddenly turn lethal, grabbing and pinning down Juney, feeding on her back (we see blood on their mouths and her spine exposed while she’s still alive, but she then dies). The Enchanted Princess has bloody knees. The Enchanted Princess talks of her yeast infection and then pulls a loaf of sourdough bread from under her dress, offering that to Calvin and Will who are grossed out. We see miscellaneous bloody survivors. The Enchanted Princess complains about her glass slippers and we then see her very bloody feet. Will’s father, a diminutive Indiana Jones, cracks his whip, accidentally hitting Amy on the cheek, slightly bloodying that.

Scenes listed here and under “Violence” might be unsettling, suspenseful or scary to the very youngest of viewers, but probably no one else since they’re otherwise played for comedy. OK! The room shakes at a party when meteorites starting hitting Earth. A tornado approaches the group and they rush into a building for safety. Severed arms and legs (with bloody stumps) start falling to the street, while a severed head lands in a woman’s hands and she reacts in horror. The Chipmunks suddenly turn lethal, with one noted as having rabies (with a foaming mouth) attacking Will (one getting him on the clothed crotch, forcing Will to try to knock it off there, including thrusting into a support) as well as Calvin (with Juney trying to knock that one off him with a bat that often ends up whacking Calvin instead). One then grabs Juney’s hoodie and then all three fly through the air, grab her and pin her down, feeding on her back (we see blood on their mouths and her spine exposed while she’s still alive, but she then dies).

We hear the sound of a T-Rex skeleton moving about a museum, but only see its footprints on the floor. Phrases: “F**k” (seen written just like that), “M*therf*ck” (bleeped out twice), “Sh*tty,” “Or some sh*t like that,” “Oh sh*t,” “I just sh*t myself,” “No sh*t, Sherlock,” “Holy sh*t,” “Sh*****t” (said in a long, drawn out way), “Sh*t-heads,” “Piece of sh*t,” “Oh sh*t,” “There is no cure for herpes and I bullsh*t you not,” “I’ve been giving your girl the flavor of love,” “Lesbian!” “Come back here, you whore,” “Horny,” “You landed on my balls,” “Is that the best you got, p*ssy?” “Slut,” “You hit like a p*ssy,” “Tranny” (transvestite), “A real slut, actually,” “You’re totally hot,” “Now tickle my pickle,” “You just got wolfed,” “Stupid ass,” “Piss off,” “You don’t want to mess with a bitch straight out of rehab,” “Bloody hell,” “Bottoms up,” “Let’s punk his ass,” “You’re such a douche,” “Back off, bitch,” “Take that, bitch,” “Nice shot, asshole,” “Dumb ass,” “Dude,” “What the hell /was that (for)/is going on?” “Shut up,” “Later, bitch,” “Wake up, you drunk jackass,” “Punk ass,” “Hell no,” “Wake up and smell the Prius,” “Crack-head Winehouse,” “High plumber’s crack,” “You stuck up bitch,” “I’m already knocked up,” “You bastard,” “Home skillet,” “Kemo sabe,” “Oh damn,” “Look at that ass” (song lyric), “Bro,” “Now you’re pissing me off,” “Bad ass,” “Chilly willy out,” “Whatever,” “Chick,” “Toe-tag your ass,” “It’s kind of gay, bro,” “Oh hell no,” “Get ready to feel the thunder,” “Skidoosh,” “Screw this” and “Indiana my ass.” An American gladiator has a tattoo on his arm. Amy Winehouse sports various tattoos and a stud in her face. (Full Story) Michelle Obama’s brother Craig Robinson was fired as Oregon State’s basketball coach. A small person sports various tattoos. There’s a little bit of close “dirty dancing” (male front to female back) at a party. We see Calvin shaving a guy’s eyebrow off while the latter is asleep.

The assassin from “No Country for Old Men” uses an air gun to shoot a sleeping man in the forehead, presumably killing him (we see a small bloody hole there). Carmen Electra’s character sports a lot of tattoos. Calvin tries curving bullets around Carmen Electra’s character as occurred in the film “Wanted.” All of Juney’s snarky and smart-aleck comments might be enticing for kids to imitate. Justin Timberlake grabs his clothed crotch. Carrie from Sex and the City turns out to be a guy in drag. Her Valtrex prescription was once found in a storage locker she abandoned. Will dreams of being the character from “Jumper” who can flit around anywhere at high speed, and he ends up lying down on the floor between a standing woman’s legs, looking up her dress.

Calvin and the fairytale Prince get into a street dance off, doing exaggerated moves. Juney then joins in, including spinning around on the stage with just her very pregnant belly. The Enchanted Princess then struts her stuff, including some provocative and sexy moves for and up against Calvin. The Enchanted Princess bites into a broken bottle and then chews on the glass, bloodying her mouth and teeth, with blood running down her chin. Various songs had lyrics that we couldn’t fully hear and/or understand, thus presenting the possibility of them potentially containing objectionable material. Some viewers might not like a spoof of a guitar playing and singing scene from “Juno,” where the boy who impregnated her sings about that she should get an abortion and that he can just use a wire hanger. A song has a line about a priest who molested the male singer, and the former playfully slaps him on his butt.

He reportedly got it before hooking up with Jennifer Aniston although it’s not clear if she has it. There’s a reference to reefer in a song. There are uses of the “s” word in a song. There are sexually related lyrics (about liking how a girl looks in her clothes, with the use of “ass” and other such words). The Chipmunks sing lyrics about “shake your booty.” There’s a long musical number where various people claim they’re dating others, listing all of the places where they have sex. We see a shirtless prehistoric man. After being hit in the crotch, an American gladiator comments on them (his unseen testicles) being small anyway.

When Amy Winehouse reveals a crystal skull, she asks a prehistoric warrior if his testicles just shrunk up in his body. Lisa shows a great deal of cleavage throughout the film, while Amy shows some as well. He was also sued for giving it to a woman. Amy then gets up (we see her in a sexy bra — sporting cleavage — and panties, while a small man in just shorts then gets out of the bed as well. There’s a little bit of close “dirty dancing” (male front to female back) at a party. A woman lifts her shirt and flashes her hairy chest at Will at a party (but a black box with the words “Hairy Girls Gone Wild” blocks the view of her breasts). Dr.

Phil comments on “Phil you up,” kisses a stranger, she slaps him, he calls her a lesbian, and then tells her to come back, saying he likes it rough. He then says, “Come back here, you whore.” The “Superbad” teens steal liquor from a party, saying they need it to get girls drunk so that they (the guys) can “get laid.” Carmen Electra’s character shows a lot of cleavage. We see an imagined bit (on Calvin’s part) where Lisa and Carmen Electra’s character do various wrestling moves in a wrestling ring while scantly clad (lots of cleavage, some partial bare butt, fishnet stockings, etc.). Dr. Meanwhile, Justin Timberlake and Orlando Bloom may have been indirectly infected by Jeter. We see Amy with a buff Calvin Klein model who’s wearing just tight underwear (a woman later comments on what he’s smuggling in them — referring to his genitals). His underwear later hits Justin Timberlake in the face, leaving that model nude (but we don’t his crotch).

SCREEN IT! PARENTAL REVIEW: DISASTER MOVIE
A song has a line about a priest who molested the male singer, and the former playfully slaps him on his butt. We see female cheerleaders in small skirts and midriff revealing tops. There are sexually related lyrics in a number spoofing “High School Musical,” including a girl who started fooling around, “did a black dude” and that the Jonas Brothers “got down” with her. Justin Timberlake grabs his clothed crotch. We see Jessica Simpson in small cutoff shorts. A gay foreign exchange student kisses another man on the cheek. Amy tells Will that whenever they made love, she was thinking of another guy.

To try to get even, Will says he did too. We see a group of women running down the street in a panic in bikinis or their bras and panties (revealing a lot of skin). Hannah Montana talks about having a line of lingerie. When Carrie from Sex and the City tells Juney she should get some (something nonsexual), Juney states (referring to her pregnant belly), “As you can see, I already did.” On various occasions, we see Juney’s very pregnant bare belly. About being cold, Calvin tries to fool Lisa and Juney, saying all of them (as well as Will) should get nude and use their body heat to keep warm. The ladies strip, and while we don’t see anything, the other three react in amazement at the view of Lisa’s nude body. Will dreams of being the character from “Jumper” who can flit around anywhere at high speed, and he ends up lying down on the floor between a standing woman’s legs, looking up her dress.

There’s a comment about Will having a “high plumber’s crack” and he turns around to show that running from his bare butt up his back. Juney says she’ll go along with the others, stating she’s already “knocked up” and questions what other sort of trouble she could get into. There are sexually related lyrics (about liking how a girl looks in her clothes, with the use of “ass” and other such words). Calvin and the fairytale Prince get into a street dance off, doing exaggerated moves. Juney then joins in, including spinning around on the stage with just her very pregnant belly. The Enchanted Princess then struts her stuff, including some provocative and sexy moves for and up against Calvin. We see Hellboy with his shirt open (showing his muscular, red skin).

Bruce Banner turns into The Hulk, but as he flexes his muscles in just his torn pants, the latter suddenly rip and fly off (there’s a split-second view of him fully nude from the front before he covers his crotch). Calvin tells Lisa’s mom on the phone that he’s met the Enchanted Princess and that she’s willing to do anything and everything he wants. The Enchanted Princess says that’s true, saying she’ll show that for $5 or some meth. She also adds that she once “hooked up” with a 100-year-old wizard. When the lights go out, Juney complains that someone is feeling her up. When the lights come back on, we see that it’s The Enchanted Princess touching her clothed breasts, saying that they’re so perky and filled with milk. We see nude male mannequins in a store.

Batman states he was told by a woman that he was in the top four of her lovers, adding that means something as she had been around the block. Amy pulls the crystal skull from her crotch (not seen, but we hear the wet sound). We see Amy in a short dress. A fully nude Beowulf confronts Will and Amy, with the latter smiling admiringly and saying “Hello” in a suggestive fashion. The reverse shot has the crystal skull she’s holding blocking a view of his crotch. Later, Beowulf jumps on Will’s back, still nude, and Will tries to get him off, all while we see various views of the side of Beowulf’s bare butt. Kung Fu Panda says he paid The Enchanted Princess $20 for 20 minutes (of sex).

The Enchanted Princess turns out to be a “tranny” (transvestite). Calvin learns this after a long kiss with her/him. Will’s father, a diminutive Indiana Jones, says that Will’s mom “got around” and was “a real slut actually.” He then states he has a “hot ass” in every city. He then hugs Amy, commenting on her shape and groping her clothed butt and pulling on her short dress. He then says there’s no cure for herpes. Will and Amy passionately kiss. A guru states that Amy is “totally hot” before marrying her and Will.

During that, he comments on Will’s peanut butter and jelly that goes into her love belly, and something about her donut of love. He then states something that ends with why don’t they “tickle my pickle,” prompting Amy to punch him. There’s a long musical number where various people claim they’re dating others, listing all of the places where they have sex. We see the Calvin Klein model in just his underwear again, and Carmen Electra’s character showing cleavage, while Beowulf holds a guitar that blocks a view of his nude crotch. Why it’s apparently hard to make a good spoof movie. Juney is a pregnant teen. Carrie from Sex and the City turns out to be a guy in drag.

The Enchanted Princess turns out to be a “tranny” (transvestite). Calvin learns this after a long kiss with her/him. A prehistoric man is stepped on by a mammoth leg, squashing him in a huge pile of excrement (that’s then on his face when he gets up). An American gladiator whacks a prehistoric man with a padded battle weapon, knocking him to the ground. The two then battle with those weapons, with the gladiator beating up the prehistoric man until the latter hits the former in the crotch. The assassin from “No Country for Old Men” uses an air gun to shoot a sleeping man in the forehead, presumably killing him (we see a small bloody hole there). We see an imagined bit (on Calvin’s part) where Lisa and Carmen Electra’s character do various wrestling moves in a wrestling ring while scantly clad (lots of cleavage, some partial bare butt, fishnet stockings, etc.).

All sorts of hard blows and other contact are delivered. Lisa gives Calvin a handgun to deal with kids stealing their party liquor. Carmen Electra’s character then steps in his way and tells him to bend the bullet around her (as occurred in the movie “Wanted”). Calvin tries that, but his shot ricochets around the room and strikes Dr. Phil, downing him. His next shot goes around Carmen Electra’s character, but then circles back and strikes her in the forehead (we see a black mark there). Lisa slaps Calvin.

Juney smashes her guitar onto her boyfriend’s head. A guy throws a football that hits Jessica Simpson in the face. The room shakes at a party when meteorites starting hitting Earth. Will is trampled by people panicking and running from a party. When meteorites hit, various people are knocked down. We also see some wrecked cars from that. A meteorite smashes into the street and we then see Hannah Montana half-trapped under that (she repeatedly “dies” and then comes back to life to say something else).

Hancock knocks a persistent kid aside and then tries to fly away, but bangs his head on a lamp post and falls back to his bench and then the sidewalk where he loses consciousness. Carrie from Sex and the City turns out to be a guy in drag. He/she then hits Juney, and the two then get into a fight delivering various kicks and punches, including Carrie hitting Juney in her pregnant belly (but the blow bounces off). Juney then sprays breast milk all over Carrie, kicks her in the face, and then has her baby’s foot do the same to Carrie. Amy slaps Will. Will dreams of being the character from “Jumper” but ends up landing on Prince Caspian’s upright sword, running Will through (no blood). More meteorites hit the city.

A meteorite lands on Lisa, presumably killing her. A cab slams into the Enchanted Princess and she lands on Calvin, but she’s okay and starts singing, while he complains, “You landed on my balls.” A fairytale prince punches Calvin. A cow lands on Iron Man, crushing him. The same happens to Hellboy, but he gets up, irritated about what happened. A cow then also land on The Hulk. The Enchanted Princess bites into a broken bottle and then chews on the glass, bloodying her mouth and teeth, with blood running down her chin. The Chipmunks suddenly turn lethal, with one noted as having rabies (with a foaming mouth) attacking Will (one getting him on the clothed crotch, forcing Will to try to knock it off there, including thrusting into a support) as well as Calvin (with Juney trying to knock that one off him with a bat that often ends up whacking Calvin instead).

One then grabs Juney’s hoodie and then all three fly through the air, grab her and pin her down, feeding on her back (we see blood on their mouths and her spine exposed while she’s still alive, but she then dies). Batman throws a hook, but it catches onto a car that then pulls him down the street, banging him into various things. The Enchanted Princess holds a handgun on Speed Racer and then shoots and kicks him repeatedly, enjoying the violence (no blood). We see that a statue has fallen onto Amy and pinned her to the floor with its spear (that’s reportedly gone through her shoulder). Calvin tries to knock her out to prevent her from feeling pain as they pull the spear out. He hits her on the head with a vase that breaks, while Will then tries by punching and then head-butting her. Calvin then tries again with a skillet, while The Enchanted Princess uses a mousetrap that snaps onto Amy’s nose.

Kung Fu Panda punches The Enchanted Princess, prompting a martial arts fight between Calvin and Kung Fu Panda (including the latter kicking the former in the crotch). They then battle with poles, including after breaking them in half. Kung Fu Panda slices Will and the Enchanted Princess, possibly killing them. Beowulf jumps on Will’s back, with the latter bashing him into various things to try to knock him off. When that doesn’t work, Amy slams a hatchet into Beowulf’s back. Will’s father, a diminutive Indiana Jones, cracks his whip, accidentally hitting Amy on the cheek, slightly bloodying that. He then cracks his whip around a ceiling fan, but is yanked up to that and then thrown off and through a window.

A guru asks Amy to “tickle my pickle,” prompting her to punch him. A cow lands on the chipmunks.

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