Though there’s no single right answer as to when breaking this kind of news is most appropriate, Dr. Some have cheated on their wives, caught herpes, went home and gave herpes to their wives (of course it works the other way around as well). Why? Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) affect the body, but living with one can be a strain on a person’s emotions as well. While your news may come as a surprise, if you’re in a mature relationship, your partner should appreciate your honesty, Dr. Your owe your wife to tell her that you have herpes and you just have to live with the consequences of your actions. She may want kids, but what would make you think she wants them with you?
And those that can’t (like herpes or HIV/AIDS) can still be treated to help with symptoms, although the infection can still spread to other people. And you never know – after delivering your news, you just might find he or she has something to share with you too. Since they don’t know, they don’t get treated. I mean, if I were a woman and you told me on the first date, I’d whip out the Anal-Eze desensitizing cream and rub it on your ego. Without treatment, the infection stays in the body and could cause permanent health problems or spread to other people. “In my experience, I’ve noticed that the same people who will ditch a relationship if the partner doesn’t make a certain income or dress a certain way will be out the door if they perceive the ‘merchandise’ as ‘damaged’- whether that is an STD, a prior marriage, the wrong religion, etc.,” Grimes says. So what do you do if your test comes back positive?
That you’ve got herpes but haven’t had an outbreak in two years? Why? Their health is at risk, so they need to know what’s going on. It’s natural to feel worried, even scared. And never mind if you’ve had a vasectomy. But to protect your partner (and avoid any future embarrassment), it’s a conversation you need to have. Try imagining that your roles are reversed.
What would you expect your partner to do and say if he or she were in your shoes? It’s reversible, but good luck if you change your mind. Your willingness to have this difficult conversation shows that you care about the other person and your relationship. We’re more likely to trust and respect people who are honest (and brave!) enough to talk about tough topics like STDs. It’s best to be direct. Butcher clamps, cuts or seals the tube that carries the sperm from the testicles into the urethra, where it mixes with the fluid (semen) released by the prostate and other glands. You don’t have to share every detail of your past relationships, but showing that you’re open to talking and answering questions can help your partner feel more comfortable too.
It’s best to be honest. You may worry about rumors spreading. BTW, this also happens to sperm when you don’t ejaculate for a while. People are more likely to respect someone’s privacy if they feel that person has also respected them. Allow the conversation to proceed naturally. Listen rather than doing all the talking. I know a lot of women are going to disagree with my advice to wait.
Each person reacts differently to the news. Some might panic. Some might be full of questions. Mike “The Sexorcist” Alvear hosts HBO’s “The Sex Inspectors,” blogs at mikealvear.com and teaches monthly blogging workshops with Hollis Gillespie. Don’t push your partner to make decisions about sex or your relationship right away. It’s normal to want acceptance and reassurance after revealing such personal information. But give the other person some space.
Make a suggestion like, “I know you probably want some time to think about this.” It shows that you’re confident and in control. Encourage your partner to ask questions. As you talk, give your partner facts about the STD and its symptoms, such as whether it can be treated or cured. You may want to bring an article or booklet about your STD to give to your partner. If you can’t answer all of your partner’s questions, that’s OK. Say you don’t know and then go to a health clinic or search online together to learn more. If you and your partner decide not to have sexual intercourse (vaginal, anal, or oral sex), there are other ways you can be intimate or express your feelings for one another.
If you do decide to have intercourse, use condoms and practice safe sex techniques. Being diagnosed with an STD while in a relationship can bring up lots of emotions. You may question your trust in your partner. Before you blame your partner for infidelity, keep in mind that some STDs don’t always show up right away. It’s possible that you or your partner got the STD in a previous relationship without even knowing it. If you find out that you have an STD while you are in a relationship, talk to your partner as soon as possible. Be honest — even if you haven’t been in the past.
Your partner may be upset, even angry, and that can be hard to deal with. Try to put yourself in his or her shoes and imagine how you’d feel. The most helpful thing you can do is listen to your partner’s concerns and fears and offer information about the STD and its symptoms. Give your partner time to take in the information. If you and your partner have already had sex, stop having sex until you can both get tested. Talk to a doctor. If you have a curable STD, you will probably need to take medicine as part of your treatment.
Take all the medicine exactly as your doctor prescribes. You also might need to take medicine if you have an STD, like herpes, that can’t be cured. A doctor or a health clinic can give advice on how to lower the chance of passing the infection to your partner. It may be awkward, but telling partners about STDs is the right thing to do. If you think you have an STD or you have questions about STDs, talk to a doctor, sexual health clinic, or student health center.