“Am I missing a tooth?” Stu says this quote when he honestly can’t remember what happened the night before or how his tooth is gone. lindsay: What did you think? Upon arrival at Caesars Palace hotel, several hours of heavy drinking ensue, and in the morning Phil, Stu and Alan wake with pounding headaches and no memory of the night before. Technically Incorrect: As blockbuster movies and video games continue to show graphic violence, those who rate movies commission research and discover that puritanism is alive and dating with herpes 2. And he had a hunch it was going to work for him because he waved his normal fee and took part ownership in the movie instead, a very wise move indeed. Uh…we fucked up. Phil is crude and not the most likable, and of the three leads, makes the least impression, but manages to be a likable enough character.
At the school where he teaches, Phil collects money from his students for an upcoming field trip and places all of it in an envelope marked, “Vegas.” After school, he rendezvous with Doug and Alan, who are waiting for him in the Mercedes. C– We were high school sweethearts. Granted I live in a world where people don’t make “fat Jesus” jokes any more. The ‘unfilmable’ Watchmen was released to mixed reviews. We’re getting married in five hours! Mondo Guerra publicly announced his HIV positive status on Project Runway and there was an outpouring of tears, love, and empathy. That’s not gonna happen.
And then we’re gonna find our best friend Doug and then we’re gonna give him a best friend hug. Doug: Ah! Sid: Except for herpes. That shit’ll come back with ya. So the boys set out to piece together the night before with what clues they have, hopefully the surprise finds in their hotel room the first footprints that will lead them to Doug’s whereabouts. Whatever happens tonight, I will never, ever, ever speak a word of it. Doug: Okay.
Because a credit card number is required to book the room, Stu nervously provides his, although he is fearful that Melissa, who routinely looks over his statements, will discover that he has been to Vegas. (You know you have one) C– I have lots of different guilty pleasures…chicken wings dipped in ranch served with celery. “It wasn’t like boring, married couple sex. The first weekend in June produced one of the surprise hits of the year. I don’t care what happens. But think about it. Doug: What?
Alan: You heard me. It’s Sin City. I won’t tell a soul. Doug: Okay. You know this type of movie will appeal to the lads and apparently did great Friday night business in the multiplexes, surely repeated with the rental deals this week. Thank you. Alan: No, thank you.
He flees from the bathroom and trips over Phil, who then awakens with a headache. Doug: All good with Melissa? As they find out what happened during their one-night blackout (clues include Mike Tyson’s tiger and someone’s baby in their hotel room, a missing tooth, a stolen police car…) in one ridiculous circumstance after another, the real mystery deepens: what happened to the groom-to-be? Did the film care? Phil: Don’t you think it’s strange that you’ve been in a relationship for three years, and you still have to lie about going to Vegas? The Valtrex commercial Ramsey refers to is part of an advertising campaign that marked the first time a herpes medication was advertised to a national audience, making the disease more visible than it had ever been in the mainstream media. But trust me, it’s not worth the fight.
Phil: Oh, so you can’t go to Vegas, but she can fuck a bellhop on a Carnival Cruise Line? Stu: Okay. First of all, he was a bartender. And she was wasted. And, if you must know, he didn’t even come inside her. Phil: And you believe that? Stu: Uh, yeah, I do believe that, because she’s grossed out by semen.
There, a doctor remembers that four of them, including Doug, arrived at 2:45 a.m. Stu: All right, Alan. Alan: [extracts a sheet of paper; presents his speech] Hello. The theatrical trailer for Avatar was released, giving many internet nerds and CGI-nuts a collective hard-on. I guess that’s why they call it Sin City. They’re all in there mixing it up.” The cast of Jersey Shore denied this allegation in an attempt to avoid the stigma of genital herpes. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack.
But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack, it grew by one. So, there were two of us in the wolf pack. I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, “Wait a second, could it be?” And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!
When they are told that they will be held until Monday, Phil tells them about the wedding and asks to negotiate. Doug: Whattaya got there? [Alan tries to cut his palm, to the others’ shock] Phil: What the fuck?! The same conclusion could have been made about 2012, although I was never really expecting much depth to come from a Roland Emmerich film. [Alan groans in pain] Stu: What is that?! For example, David Gest made headlines when he accused Liza Minnelli of giving him herpes in the midst of their divorce. Phil: [sees Alan with his new satchel] You’re not really wearin’ that, are you?
Alan: Wearin’ what? Phil: The man purse. You actually gonna wear that, or you guys just fuckin’ with me? Alan: It’s where I keep all my things. Get a lot of compliments on this. Plus it’s not a man purse. It’s called a satchel.
Mike and his bodyguard allow them to see security camera footage that confirms that the four of them were leading the tiger away at 3:30 a.m. Phil: So does Joy Behar. Alan: Guys. Mr Cameron, it’s nice to have you back. What about the tiger? The thing is, leprosy is actually a real disease that people today still suffer from. Phil: Oh, fuck!
I keep forgetting about the goddamn tiger! How the fuck did he get in there? Stu: I don’t know, because I don’t remember. Phil: Shh! Stu! Stu, keep it down. Alan: One of the side-effects of roofies is memory loss.
Therefore, he explains, Doug’s mattress was thrown from the roof, where they took Doug while he was sleeping, a prank similar to one they played on him when they were children. Phil: All right. We got the money. Eighty grand. Cash. Implicit in the monster metaphor are feelings about genital herpes as a manifestation of evil. Then I give you Doug.
Stu: I’m sorry. First of all, good morning. We didn’t catch your name last night. Chow: Mr. Chow. Leslie Chow. Stu: Mr.
The photographs recreate several events mentioned in the film, such as gambling with “Mike Tyson” (who portrays himself) and with “Leslie Chow” (Ken Jeong), as well as the wedding of “Stu” (Ed Helms) and “Jade” (Heather Graham). My name is Stu. And we would very much appreciate an opportunity to see Doug before we give you the money, to verify that he’s okay, if that’s…that’s cool. Chow: Of course, Stu. That is cool. Sure, maybe putting down those who have genital herpes is a way to make people without herpes feel better but the chances are high that those people will someday contract herpes and what then? Okay.
Chow: See? He fine. Now, gimme money, or I shoot him, and I shoot all you motherfuckers! And then we take it! Your choice, bitches! Melissa: I called that bed and breakfast in Napa. They said they had no record of you even checking in.
As mentioned in the Oct 2007 HR news item, Warner Bros. Melissa: Stu, what the fuck is going on? Stu: We went to Las Vegas. Melissa: Oh, really? Las Vegas? When you have genital herpes, you have the same reasons for sharing your story as anyone else. Stu: ‘Cause my best friend was getting married, and that’s what guys do.
Melissa: Uh-huh? Stu: Yeah. Melissa: That’s not what you do. Stu: Really? Well, then, why did I do it?! Huh?! ‘Cause I did it!
Because the automobile sequences were shot out of order, five identical 1969, soft-top convertible Mercedes Benz automobiles were used to depict the car’s various stages of damages. Why’d I do it?! You know, sometimes I think all you want me to do is what you want me to do. Well, I’m sick of doing what you want me to do all the time. I think, in a healthy relationship, sometimes a guy should be able to do what he wants to do. They tell their stories with the goal of helping others feel okay about having herpes. Stu: Oh, good!
Because whatever this is ain’t workin’ for me! Melissa: Oh, really? Stu: Yeah! Melissa: Since when?! Stu: Since you fucked that waiter on your cruise last June! BOOM!!! Alan: You told me it was a bartender.
The film won a Golden Globe for Best Motion Picture–Musical or Comedy, and was nominated by the WGA for Original Screenplay. You’re right. I stand corrected. It was a bartender. You fucked a bartender. Instead of talking about the genital herpes we know from jokes, monster metaphors, Google image searches, and celebrity divorce scandals, health organizations give us dry fact sheets and statistics. Stu: You’re a– You…
[struggles] You’re…such a bad person! Like, all the way through to your core! Taglines Some guys just can’t handle Vegas Whose baby is this? Am I missing a tooth? I stole a police car?! What happened last night? Where the hell is my tiger?
Variety 1–7 Jun 2009 p. Easy, tiger! You mess with the wrong guy. Well, technically, I’m an escort.